The Crush and The Diary - Chapter 1

On Friday 13th July 2007 my friend Shal drove into her garage and parked. We then tried to unload a large garden pot from the back seat of her convertible mini. The pot had no handles and weighing about 80 lbs was quite difficult to manoeuvre. I had pushed the driver’s seat forward and with one foot in the car I lifted the underneath of the pot while Shal lifted it from above. All was good and we got it over the edge of the car, but as I tried to step out my foot caught on the seat belt and I felt myself being pulled to the ground. This left poor Shal trying to keep a grip onto the sides of the pot. Because it was quite dark in the garage it added to the confusion of what happened next. I heard her let out a shriek and I found myself on the floor on both hands and knees. In that flash, I knew that I should be afraid, that something dangerous was happening. Then I just felt the pot crash down on my right hand with a sickening crunch, that I had no doubt was the sound of my bones being crushed. The whole agenda changed as we realised that my hand was quite badly injured. We both knew that I had to get to hospital as soon as possible. It was a warm summer day and as we reversed out of the garage into the sunshine I felt like I was in a vacuum and Shal’s voice as she spoke gently to me sounded far away. I knew I had to stay calm...

Haze of Pain - Chapter 2

Over the next few days I suffered a lot of different kinds of pain. Shooting, bruising, stinging and I noticed that my thumb and forefinger which were not fractured appeared to be bruised sometimes and then not at others. My other three fingers changed colour like cuttlefish. I found it very strange, but since I have never had a bad fracture before, I assumed this must be a ‘normal’ symptom. Much later I was lucky enough to attend an Occupational Therapy Unit (Ot Unit) where all my questions were answered and I understood why this happens and why my uninjured finger and thumb were as painful as the injured ones. Using diagrams, the therapist explained how the Median, Radial and Ulnar nerves innervate – (provide touch sensation and stimulate muscles with nerve impulses). So if there is nerve damage at the source of the injury, other locations which are innervated by that nerve will also be affected. There was obviously damage to more than one nerve at the location of my injury. I hope that the following drawings will shed some light on how it all works. It certainly made more sense to me and I wished that I had known this right from the beginning. Having looked up pictures of nerves in the hand I felt very sure that the location of the crush must have delivered some nerve damage. The shaded areas on the following drawings show the areas innervated by the three nerves.

Definitions with reference to the hand:
Dorsal – Knuckle side, Palmar – Palm side
Ask questions. It can’t do any harm and sometimes you can strike it lucky and someone will take the trouble to really answer you in a way that makes your symptoms seem less of a mystery and less frightening. There is that saying that “a little knowledge can be dangerous”, but being completely in the dark can be terrifying. I soon found that some healthcare professionals really appreciate feedback.

Understanding CRPS - Chapter 11

One of the other important discoveries while surfing the net looking for an answer to the crps question, was that so many bloggers who have crps all talk about the fact that people don’t understand how all encompassing and perpetual the sensations of crps are. It is different from anything I have ever experienced. My nose has been broken, I have had my skull fractured, a torn ligament, slipped disc etc and although certainly with the ligament and disc it was very painful, nothing compares to the range of sensations crps delivers. It is tugging away at you night and day. Burning, freezing, shooting, cramping contracting in such an exaggerated way that it is hard to describe to anyone else. I have tried to describe it to women by saying that it would be like being in labour for the rest of their foreseeable future at the same time as having toothache in both top and bottom jaws, but the truth is, pain is forgettable and unless you are going through it yourself, it is hard to understand.

My friend May had an accident recently when making pancakes using a hand held food mixer. She accidentally switched it on whilst wiping the pancake mix out of the tip, with her index finger. I guarantee that anyone reading this winced at May’s misfortune. For some reason we can all imagine that kind of pain, even if we have never done anything like that, but crps pain does not correspond to any identifiable pattern of sensations, so it remains elusive to those witnessing someone they care for who is suffering from it. As a result of all this quite often and without meaning to friends and family, and indeed the medical profession think that you are dwelling on your predicament and believe that it is ‘all in the mind’. I think that it is also very difficult for them to know how to respond – I mean – what can you say? Just a note here to say May was extremely stoical about her injury and also had to assume the ‘wave position’ but with one finger. So she had the appearance of someone who had just had an idea!

Double Wave Position - Chapter 18

Having spent pretty well fifteen months dealing with the all encompassing effects of crps I felt so liberated having discarded the oedema glove and returned to ‘normal pain free life’. I began working wholeheartedly on this book and went about my daily life as before. About seven months later I was at a Film Festival and after dinner, as we walked back towards the car park through a public garden I tripped over a very low hooped fence, commonly found in parks. I went from the grass onto a concrete pathway and broke both my wrists. As my chin hit the ground I already knew that the wrists were broken. Actually at first I felt extremely embarrassed because I figured that it would be difficult for anyone to take me seriously about the book now, with both hands in the wave position. I feared they might think me some sort of clown. I also felt really sorry for Elizabeth and Jeff and Don who were with me. The looks of shock on their faces as they tried to pick me up will be an enduring memory. Somehow being the patient is sometimes less traumatic than being a witness. All that quickly disappeared though as the reality of both hands out of action began playing itself out. I am going to keep this brief because the message I want to deliver is that this new accident literally hurtled me into a fairly unique position. Having had a fracture and developed crps, then having managed to overcome it, I was now faced with two wrist fractures requiring surgery to install plates. I was told that approximately 20% of patients who undergo this surgery develop varying degrees of crps. The strange thing is that I didn’t feel scared. I really had confidence that even if I did get it, all the things that I had learned on the first round would prevent me becoming a chronic case. There were however some extremely sobering moments and again I had the loving support of my friends who literally became my hands, another humbling experience for me as someone who up until recently always saw myself as strong and independent.